So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
