My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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