It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
