so that wasnt chicken after all
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
