I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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