Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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