the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
