Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
