you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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