she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
