I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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