Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize