a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
