At least make sure they are 18
Why
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
