pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
