don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
