After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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