Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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