Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Still dying that you shit outside
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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