seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
