just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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