You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
