I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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