If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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