I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
