After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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