remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
