Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
