She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
