i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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