im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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