You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
