Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
