I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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