Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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