I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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