I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize