HIV tests are more positive than that guy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this will be a night to untag.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
