Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
