What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
