You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
