Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
