Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
