YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
