it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
