matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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