Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
