did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have aggressive nipples.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
