Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
worst night to have a conscience
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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