Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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