Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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