My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
