if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize