I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
