Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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