Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
