Sponge bath it is.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
