Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
