She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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