How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
