at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
