maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
