Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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