Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
