i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
