It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
