In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
