i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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