your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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