girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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