I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize