the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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