also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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