i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
