My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
