Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
