He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i now understand why vodka
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
