3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
