I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
