Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
