I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
