Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
