sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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