i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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