she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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