I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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