Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
