We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
