Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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