Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
