Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to make out with him forever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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