when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize