you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize