We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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