Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
