Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
