I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
