I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
