I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
